And I repeat--I won't be a L&D nurse!

Today was my first day in hospital clinical. It was fine. Nothing was really wrong with it--I just didn't like it.
But I felt like there was nothing to do all day. That's not really true since I spent most of my morning in monitoring vital signs, keeping a baby warm and working with breastfeeding education. But my baby wasn't sick. He wasn't in pain. He wasn't getting any meds. He was just--there.
My instructor hesitantly told me that she wished we'd have a baby crash.
***She didn't mean it because she wanted harm to come to any baby. She just wanted us to have the experience of it. Don't think ill of her. She's not sadistic.***
She said everything speeds up then since when a baby crashes, it goes fast.
I don't want a baby to crash on me. I'm sure my adrenaline will kick in and I'll be able to cope, but I think I'd cry for hours after that.
There were many times today that I just didn't know what to do. I don't like feeling that way. I felt so out of control. I didn't do anything wrong. I was doing exactly what I was supposed to be doing. It is just different from all my other clinicals.
I have night class tonight, so I'm sitting in the computer lab right now wasting time before my class at 5pm. I really dread this class tonight. I like the instructor--she's great. I am even learning a lot in the class. But the class consists of copying powerpoint slides. I write faster than most of the class (b/c they think they need to write every word) and spend a lot of time just sitting there waiting. But I'd hate to like pull out a book and start reading or something. That would be pretty rude (and no mom, I'm not rude). So I sit....and sit...and feel like I'm wasting time.

But I have tomorrow off! I'm getting my hair cut again. I got it cut up to my shoulders, but I want it cut more. The Nursing 4 instructors are not sticklers on hair like the Nsg 1 & 2 instructors were. As long as its out of my face, they're fine. So here we go...

Stay tuned...